Tuesday, October 11, 2011


My 10 year high school reunion is next weekend.

I'm not going.

It's funny when I told my sister I wasn't going she said "but, Ashlee you loooooved high school!" and I laughed (she was in elementary school when I was in HS and even she knew how much I loved it).

Honestly it just doesn't fit into my schedule if it had been during a school break (summer anyone??) I would have been there in a heartbeat...

It sounds like there are not very many people going...about 10% of our class and the people I care most about seeing won't be there. So, I'll figure out a time to catch up with them. And I'll try harder to make it to the 20 year.

Today has me really thinking about what my 18 year-old-self thought my 10 year reunion would be like.

While driving around our little town before graduation a friend asked that crazy boy obsessed girl  if she really thought she was going to marry someone from high school, and I remember just what that Ashlee said...

she said "if there is anyone from this school I end up marrying I think it will be Jeremy" kind of a surprising answer since we never dated...

but the way 18yo Ashlee saw it, if neither of us were married we'd meet up at the 10 year reunion and that something that had always been there would be tried out, tested and just maybe the timing would be right....

I filled him in on my plan, it would be just like my best friends wedding...only not such a close call :)

Throughout college my thoughts and day dreams would find myself back there more often then most people would probably admit, but it always did.

5 years ago today those silly day dreams were taken from me (that feels so selfish to type because so much more then that was lost).

Jeremy passed away after a hard fought battle with cancer.

So, even if everything had worked out and I was hanging out with the rest of MHS class of 2001 next weekend I know that without him there it would never be able to live up to 18 year old Ashlee's idea of a high school reunion.

I really really miss you. I have so many regrets when it comes to our friendship, I wish I would have been a better friend to you during that time. I was so scared and I thought saying nothing was better than saying the wrong thing and I will never be able to have that time back, I'm so sorry. Sometimes I regret that time I broke that big wooden paddle brush when I hit you with it, but honestly mostly it makes me laugh when I think about it! :) I still miss your phone calls every year on my birthday and I always think about your dad, I've contemplated a card, but honestly he still kind of scares me from that one time on Easter, with the beer. I'm going back to school to get my requirements to sit for the cpa exam and Jeremy I love it...seriously love it. I'm getting As (can you even imagine? I do my homework! I don't copy off of anyone!). I wish I could tell you, I want to hear what you have to say about it. Would you be shocked, or does it totally fit in with the fact that your dad and I share a birthday, and a personality, and now a profession? I hope you knew how much you meant to me, and I really did think just maybe someday it would work out, and if nothing else we could have totally laughed about it next weekend.


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