Wednesday, June 24, 2009

What a Way to Start the Day!

I've interrupted this regularly scheduled Wordless Wednesday for a story I believe you will find much more entertaining (even though I did have a really cool picture!)


I was really tired this morning I just could not move, Kuddles on the other hand was more than ready to get out of bed at about 7:30. I managed to keep her in with me until about 7:45 but then she was just having no more of it she wanted to go potty. So, up and outside we went. Me in my pajamas and barefeet her in her no leash state that she normally goes outside in. I was pretty cold in the house so I took a blanket out with me, maybe I also kind of hoped I could sleep while she was out there (I was really sleepy!) Garrett (whose house I was at) left for work, with me sitting on the stairs wrapped in my blanket.

After a few minutes I decided it was probably time to head up she (Kuddles) had been sniffing that blade of grass for long enough, and maybe just maybe, I could lay down for 5 more minutes and still be at work at a respectable time. As I was calling my dog that listens really well does what ever the hell she wants, it hit me like a ton of bricks...you know that feeling that feeling of oh crap...could it be? my whole day might just be shot....what will I do? no, Ashlee you are overreacting everything will be just fine, but what if....

See my friend is in this great habit of locking his front door when he leaves, something I truly appreciate. When I'm still in bed I don't have to worry about being kidnapped, when I'm in the shower I never worry about strange people coming in, because I know with out a doubt that he locked the door when he left. He ALWAYS does!

But, as I was sitting there calling my dog I thought what if he locked the door this time? It's not even 8:00am, I don't have my keys, or my cell phone, I don't have shoes, I haven't had a shower, I haven't brushed my teeth, I need to pee, and for all that is holy I DON'T have a bra on (this one really bothered me the most). As I ran through all the possible things I could do if I was in fact locked out, I slowly made my way up the stairs telling myself I was being silly, that of course I would be able to get in. That I was sure that the door would be unlocked and that all of this worrying was for nothing....I got to the door and turned the knob...it was for sure LOCKED....

Great, NOW WHAT? Thank the Lord I have a keyless entry pad on my car, so this was a start, I entered the code and sat in my car. I thought first things first, I have enough stuff in this car to survive nuclear war, I can survive being locked out, I'm sure I have supplies in here. All the while I was willing the next door neighbor, who already thinks I'm loony, to come out and have his morning smoke. I didn't even care what he thought of me I just wanted to use his phone. Alas, I knew I needed a backup plan, so first things first I found a bra, and some shoes. Good job Ashlee! if your tennis shoes weren't in your car you'd be wearing heels, with your soffes, and your Free Hugs tshirt that's like an XXL then you'd for sure look great. Okay this isn't so bad you just look like you've been for a run (you know minus the dog, who has no leash, OR collar) it'll be okay...Next, I dug around for some change, with my plan to find a pay phone (do they even still have those things?!?)

So, here I go with $1.65 in hand walking down the street reciting Garrett's cell phone number (just in case I forget it) knowing very well that his phone is ALWAYS on silent, and that the chances of him hearing it and answering it are just about as slim as, you know my sister.

I finally get to J. Booties (that's the gas station a few blocks away) and I'm sending up silent prayers that range from PLEASE let there be a pay phone here, to PLEASE let him answer. Also, I am all of the sudden noticing that it is at least 93 degrees outside. At least I found the phone, around the corner and it cost 50 cents to make a phone call. Okay, I have 3 tries to make this work.

I'll start with Garrett's cell phone number...I dial...it rings and of course goes to voicemail, I would expect nothing else. So, I figure I'll leave a message just in case. I'm leaving a message and the lady (you know the one in the phone) interrupts me and tells me my message is too short to try again....so I do and she interrupts again...and says the samething...the third time this happens, I kid you not, I smiled so big, and looked around because OBVIOUSLY I was on candid camera! One more time I try to leave a message and the lady says it's too short, but SHE won't even let me finish!!! I was frustrated and all I could think of was my friend Rita and her longest-messages-ever, she wouldn't get told her message was too short. I hung up.

I'm down to $1.15 and people are looking at me. I'm starting to get really sweaty, and thinking about the walk of shame, what do these people think of me....I tried Garrett's cell phone one more time and hung up before the voicemail picked up...because I needed the quarters. At this point I figure I had a few options, I know 4 more people's phone numbers none of whom can get me into the house, and most of which do not live in this state, but at least I could call them, if I HAD to.

So, after some thinking I figure I'll try 411 and hope that I can get the right phone number and remember it because I only have one chance. (well you know before I have to use my collect calling skills, can you even collect call a cell phone? It didn't matter when I was little I used to call and say my message where you were supposed to say your name, I could do that this time. "Mommy please call 555-5555" really FAST!!!) I called and after some struggle got Garrett's work phone number, I'm pretty good with numbers but was afraid my skill would fail me so I said it over and over and over hoping it would stick long enough for me to dial. I put in my last bit of change (mostly nickles) and dialed, the whole time questioning if I got my 9s mixed up. But, at last finally a voice answered and sent me to Garrett.

I explained to him that he locked me out, and do you know the first thing he said? "what? you've been locked out all this time? why are you just now calling me?!" I didn't answer. I think he realized how stupid this was and just went on. "did I lock the top and the bottom? or just the bottom?" I have no idea! All I know is that I'm locked out. Okay, he told me if you have any kind of credit card you can get in (if it's just the bottom lock). Well, that's all great and good but my purse is in the house, you know with my keys and my cell phone. But, I'll look and see what I have in my car...wait a bit and if I don't call you it means I didn't get in. We decided 20 minutes was a good amount of time, before he came to my rescue (at this point I can only imagine what was going through his mind, he has a deadline of something that must be done today, he has to stay until it is all finished and I'm sure his boss would have been thrilled if he said uh I have to go and um let, pookie, my exgirlfriend, this girl, someone, my friend, uh Ashlee in my house, I uh...it's an emergency I'll be right back).

He asked if I was okay and I told him I'm somewhere on the edge of about to lose it and as soon as I get inside this is going to be super funny. I'm teetering back and forth on the line. But, for now I'm okay. (thankfully, I didn't I hadn't gotten to the point where I felt out of options, and I wasn't crying, if a stranger had talked to me I'm sure the waterworks would have started but, at that point I was mostly in control.) And, off I went down Main street and toward the house. You know, with my panting 3lb dog.

So, I get to my car and start looking, for something, anything that's like a credit card. And, I see it, the pile of mail that I put on my front seat last weekend. And I look through it for one of those pre-approved credit card offers. I had one! And, it had the little flimsy credit card in there, and I thought just maybe it would work, if not I knew I'd be rescued and I'd be okay.

It worked! I got in! I was only outside for about an hour and half. I called Garrett and told him I was safe in the house and on my cell phone. I let him know he could use today to figure out how he was going to make this up to me. He assured me it would be something extra nice. But, in all reality I can't be that annoyed I really do appreciate that he locks the door when he leaves, just you know when I'm on the other side of it.
I realize this is the worlds longest post, and I'm sorry, but someday if I forget this worst start to a day ever, It'll be nice to remember the details!

1 comment:

christie said...

poor little shlee. i'm glad you have a treasure trove in your car. and i'm glad you had kuddles to keep you company.

my favorite part, though, was that you interrupted wordless wednesday. hahahaha. good one.